With the sun starting to peak out from behind the clouds, the flowers slowly making their way into full bloom and newspaper articles writing about possible heat waves after just 3 days of warm weather, there’s no denying that summer is on its way.
Personally, I live for the summer. I’m a secret beach bum and would quite happily waste the days away with a good book and sand between my toes. The rush of sea salted wind through my hair and the smell of Ice Cream and Fish and Chips are moments I crave throughout January and February and with May only around the corner, they’re fast becoming days to look forward to rather than memories of last year.
But with every season comes its problems. Whilst winter promises Christmas and New Year, with it comes cold weather and bitter winds. With every Spring and Autumn comes rainfall (although just a typical day in South Wales) and Summer is no different. If summer side effects were a person, it would be Voldemort, always ruining everything.
So here is a count down of my 10 Things That Ruin Summer.
1. Wasps. Evil little things. They buzz round all high and mighty like they own the place. At least Bees have a part to play in society. Bees pollenate and produce my favourite thing to put in porridge. They also die if they sting you, the ultimate sacrifice. Wasps, oh no, wasps are the animal kingdoms version of low life scumbags that hang round on street corners looking for their next victim, giving the place a bad reputation. Oh, and have you seen the size of some of them? #steroids
2. Hayfever. While you’re all there mowing your lawns, spare a thought for those of us who have to walk past your garden sneezing, wheezing, drying tears away from our eyes. Whilst all the flowers are in bloom looking all pretty and elegant, spare a thought for those of us who can’t enjoy their fragrant aroma for the fear of starting off another sneezing fit that we’ve only just recovered from. For hayfever sufferers, the majority of summer is spent dosed up on the likes of Benodryl and Zirtek trying to find outdoor places that include no form of grass, flower or tree.
3. Traffic. It’s a very hot day and, unlike those of you in fancy cars, the car doesn’t have air con. You’re sat there in the blazing heat with the windows down in the hope that a car driving past blows enough breeze through your window, that you can survive the journey. Only it’s a bank holiday, and everyone has hit the beach. You’re sat in standstill traffic and even though you set off an hour earlier to avoid it, so did everyone else. You end up eventually arriving at your destination, late, with one side of you burnt because the sun has been toasting you through the window.
4. Summer holidays. Now don’t get me wrong, I like kids. I hope one day to have some of my own. But until that day arrives, school summer holidays will be one of the banes of my life. Heading into town just to pick up a few things involves trying to navigate around groups of teenagers that have huddled in shopping centres and congregated in the streets. Cafes and Restaurants have suddenly become break areas for parents with unruly children running around tables screaming. I’m carrying a tray of hot drinks here people!! Leaving the office for a coffee to relieve the stress has started to become a liquid lunch.
5. The Heat. I love the sun. I love feeling the warm rays rush across your skin when lying down catching a tan. But there are times when it is just TOO hot. Like that point when it gets sweaty and in some cases, feels like there is actually heat evaporating from your skin. Where no matter how many bottles of water you drink you simply cannot cool down. Having a fringe is completely pointless in this weather for the way it gets greasy and sticks to your skin through a combination of sweat and sun cream. Your hair also adopts some kind of bushy trait and you find yourself wondering why you spent all that time in the morning with a straightener and a brush.
6. Gnats and Midgies. I’m not sure if it’s just that you don’t notice them in the winter because you rarely spend that much time sitting outside, but it seems that most summer evenings are spent being eaten alive by things that can be killed through clapping. BBQ’s, drinks under patio heaters, romantic cuddles under blankets on the beach, all ruined through the biting and itchiness your skin goes through. I’m actually scratching as I write this.
7. Sun Cream. It’s oily, it’s greasy and it clogs up your skin something chronic. Whilst on holiday as a child I picked up a middle ear infection which the Dr said was caused through sun cream in the water of the swimming pool. Disgusting thought right? You can also never apply it evenly and it can cause some awkward moments when you need to ask someone to do your back.
8. Bearing all. If you’ve got the body of Adonis, then this isn’t a problem. In fact, summer is probably a bonus for you. But those of us with imperfections, those of us who have been able to hide under a pair of spanks or disguise bingo wings through long sleeve t-shirts and jumpers, now is the time to reveal all. That New Years resolution that was made all those months ago about getting that bikini body in time for summer, summer is the reminder that you never stuck to such a resolution. Squats start tomorrow.
9. When the summer fails to arrive. It’s August. You had plans to catch a tan, wear those denim shorts and spend your evenings down the beach. But it’s raining. It’s pouring down. It’s been raining for 40 days and 40 nights and you’re starting to wonder if Noah’s going to appear with his ark. Where’s this heat wave they promised? It either didn’t happen or is happening in another part of the UK. You didn’t book a holiday this year and all you can see over social media is pictures of your friends in bikinis and sunglasses whilst you search your house for a pair of wellies.
10. Seagulls. They’re constantly watching you. I once spent a day in Tenby where I witnessed a seagull take an entire bag of Fish and Chips out of a man’s hand as he stepped out of the shop. Fortunately for him, this was witness by the staff and he was given another bag for free. But this isn’t always the case. Aberystwyth Uni had to install speakers on top of buildings to scare the seagulls away because THAT many students were having food pinched when trying to sit outside. I myself have been attacked walking through the street with a cookie in my hand. These bad boys will do anything for food. And if it’s not your food their after, it’s a landing spot for their poo. Watch out for them. They’re watching you.